I will forgive you

I will forgive my father because it is just the right thing to do. Even though I think that he would not care, it would be worth a try. There would be times where I would start crying in the middle of the night because I miss him. I do not have memories about seeing him because whenever he was around I was too young to remember. I do have pictures of him and I would look at them and say why did he have to leave? Was it my fault? Was I the cause of his absence? I would always ask my mom where did he go and why did he leave me. All she could do is say he was not ready to be a father and it is him who is losing out on me and my stepping stones in life. I think that if I were to see him in person I would not even get mad at the fact that he missed 16 years of my life but that he actually cared enough to come see me. There would be times where I would look at the sky and ask God if he could just talk some sense into my father or even open his eyes and let him know that he does have a daughter. I always look myself in the mirror and think out loud saying " Wow he is truly missing out on the best thing that ever happened to him". He does not even have to apologize to me whenever I do get the chance to go meet him. Yes I do think that the outcome would change after we met but then again I do not just because I would be afraid of him leaving me all alone and abandoned again. He makes me feel lost in life. I look at all of my other friends who have both their parents in their life and how happy they are. I used to always wish that I could go back into time to meet my father and tell him no matter what do not leave me alone in this corrupted world. Now that I am much older I still do not understand why he left me as a baby and never looked back. I know that everything is not meant to be understood but this is just one of those situations where I need to understand as to why he left. I will forgive him not just for his sake but for my sake. I do not need to walk around looking sad all of the time because some young dumb idiot left me because he could not handle his responsibilities.
So no I do not think that the outcome would change no matter how much I want his apology. My dad from what I heard is the type to say one thing and do something the complete opposite. If the outcome were to change this situation I would hope that he would come to see me more often or call me or something just to let me know that he cares. I think that all children need both parents in their life. My heart longs for his love but this I know I will never have but I will save a piece of my heart for him to fill in.